In news that has left athletes around the globe simultaneously excited, confused, and mildly terrified, CrossFit Inc. has officially merged with HYROX, the rapidly ascending star of Fitness Racing. Effective April 1, 2025—because why wouldn’t they pick April Fool’s Day—this unholy matrimony of muscle will henceforth be known as “Hycross.”

Rumors had long swirled around CrossFit being up for sale, mostly spread by disgruntled gym members who couldn’t figure out how double-unders were supposed to count as rest. HYROX, known officially as “Upsolut Sports GmbH,” swooped in, promising synergy and something intriguingly termed “cardio unity.”

Hycross intends to blend CrossFit’s gruelling regimen of constantly varied functional movements with HYROX’s unique combination of endurance challenges and repetitive lap counting, resulting in a super-fitness movement scientifically engineered to make you reconsider your life choices halfway through a workout.

“We realized people weren’t quite exhausted enough,” explained an enthusiastic spokesperson for Hycross. “If you’ve ever finished Fran and thought, ‘You know, I’d love to run five kilometers right about now,’ then you’re exactly who we’re targeting.”

With CrossFit’s immense global network of gyms and its annual rituals—The Open, Regionals, and the CrossFit Games—combined with HYROX’s explosive rise and its sleek, adrenaline-filled events, the merger promises unprecedented spectacles. Picture this: Rich Froning completing heavy thrusters and chest-to-bar pull-ups, then immediately sprinting four laps around a dimly lit indoor stadium to the pulsating beat of German techno. You’re intrigued already, aren’t you?

The new sport of Hycross reportedly plans to standardize a fresh batch of universally dreaded workouts, whimsically dubbed the “Super-Mega-WODs.” Insiders leaked potential upcoming workouts, including the enticingly named “Murph-ox,” where athletes perform Murph in between kilometer intervals on a ski-erg while simultaneously regretting their entire fitness journey.

Meanwhile, affiliate gym owners worldwide have mixed feelings. “I’m excited but concerned,” admitted one owner from Melbourne. “On one hand, Hycross is the future of fitness. On the other, how am I supposed to explain to my clients that now their monthly fee includes mandatory running—indoors, around cones, accompanied by DJs?”

But rest assured, athletes, the leaders of Hycross have your interests at heart—or at least your max heart rate. A detailed roadmap for Hycross’s domination of global fitness culture will roll out soon, promising new merch, viral hashtags (#HycrossFitFamForever), and ample opportunities to complain online while secretly enjoying the pain.

Stay tuned for more breaking updates and, of course, start training now. Because Hycross is coming—and it’s coming fast.